Hier soir j'serais alle au musee pour regarder quelques tableux de mss. Carneux, il etait un paintre de 16 siecle.

a morose wolf

· I will tell you a story. Once upon a time there lived a girl. She had no father, no mother, but the urge and aspiration for life was so vivacious in her, that she fought hard to maintain her place under the sun. Her name was Nathalie. She was a bit of a morose type, but nonetheless she was truly and deeply in love with life, she was bewildered by the magnanimous beauty of the life, her heart, soul and body often throbbed from the exaltation and she never ceased to explore new ways of thinking, imagining and loving, thus developing her personality. This was all very well, but one day something really grim and unexpected occurred. She was on her way back from school, when suddenly a giant, savage vulture appeared in from of her in the middle of the street, she happened to be so stoned, that a beasty, raucous shriek came out of her gorge petrifying everything around her. For a moment, it seemed, leaves on the trees ceased whirring, all was silent, frozen. And her mouth remained open from the ghastly shriek for about 5 minutes. She didn’t even remembered how long she had stayed like that, this moment somehow erased her consciences, time became illusionary and she was sort of sucked into a deep, hollow chasm, where she could not see, nor hear anything or feel anything alive around her or in her. She could not afterwards describe what had happened to her form that very moment. The next thing what she remembered was the incredible happiness that she experienced. Her memory and mind was completely transfigured. She was lifted up and put on the back of the vulture who took her to a completely sombre, dark, thick forest where was no sight of a human foot, where not a ray of a sun could penetrate through the magnanimous bushes and ramifications of trees. The vulture, with his long and strong legs took her as if on a ride through this strange place and she sat on his back like a nomadic princess, speechless, petrified, and almost stupefied. Her eyes slowly slide from one mutilated sight of this forest to other. Bushes and trees really reminded of savage and unusual figures, with acrid and putrid scents coming out of them and look of old, imprisoned souls. Her eyes became mild and she suddenly noticed tears pouring out her serene eyeballs, like long rivers heading towards the earth and making her own body and soul so heavy, quaint and grim, that soon she couldn’t bear keep crying but she wasn’t able to stop. Vulture plunged into a sombre forest like a shot bird falling into a the cradle of the air, like a star rapidly merging in a sea, and his way, his feet moved so quick that the girl felt like sitting on an orb. After several timeless moments when her eyes met the darkened visions and body quivered like a stick of a grass, she was ascended by luscious, exorbitant embrace of light pouring directly into her eyes. She stretched her arms excitingly, holding her grasp, prancing like a massive hoarse on his legs, leaning towards the gulf of orange pallid sea of mist, bewildered. She transmitted her feelings she had previously experienced as a child in this moment to a newer, statelier form of expression. Suddenly in her imagination cats started crawling and prowling around her room where she used to live as a baby, in janitor’s closet. They acted like snails, completely slow and deaden by the volubility of time, life or love. All was timeless, blossoms upsurge rapidly when the spring approaches and almost naked stands in front of your door, in front of your eyesight, sad, harrowing, invidious. Her lips parted, she sipped the water from the air as if drinking sand, nobody called her, she was all alone, stretching, waiting for somebody to appear, to stroke her hand or head, affably offering her a drink or something like that. Nobody arrived, all was as usual. Then she found herself talking to her mother, who has never been out here, in the world, for the reason because she was just a vision in vision’s vision, in her small, twisted brain hanging on a loop of light like an immortal breather not noticing her own existence. She squatted there like toad, complete shrimp, waiting, urging her own senses for awakening for several, numerous years or maybe more than years, lifetimes, incalculable lifetimes, and indecipherable lifetimes, descended upon reality like delusive, perilous, and superfluous seagulls gibbering, chanting in their bird language.

constrained

The damp of the sea whispers to my ear: I am an ancient giant dwelling tenderly upon the mountain of the earth waiting for you to notice me and to embrace me. Two eyes are transparent seas imbibing in it the world’s lust, the world’s passions. She noticed the world, but didn’t take up living. The time, which suppresses reality, people call incongruous malediction put open the vacuum of the earth. Love maintains incandescent, pristine field of passion and phantasm. For I can say there are more sinister things in the life than those people call love. What dwells beneath, the time, reality, superfluous dogmas, experience that is carried through by humanity, is that the experience we can call the whole experience -or is there much more to be seen yet, to be heard, to be experienced? The one which is true wouldn’t bother for nothing in this life, coz in reality – nothing real exists, all that is real – doesn’t it dwell beneath, beneath the surface, unseen, but existent, exorbitant life of profundity. An image of a sick , thin, pallid statue raising above the cliff, being ready to transfer himself into a flying and dying bird, isn’t that a mellifluous moment to that delusive state in which our mind is constantly hiding ? And me, standing ashore, waiting, looming like a ponderous, peevish bird amidst the ghosts of this world isn’t that an everyday vision of immortal frenzy?

Nocturne

Shadow dripps on my palm
From the blooming sea of sky
I drink it lika a juice
Untill my bowels bloom in roses
I abandone myself in the delve of my brain
And beseech the gods to releive me from my shadows

Nocturne sings in the chorus of gods
I lean to drink from the brook of her smile
To seek the waiver from the glimpse of her eyes
Oh, nocturne,
- blank child of howling dampness -
release me form the dripping skyline that rolls upon me!

I hide in the thunder of your silence
I rest in the glowing darkness of your flesh
And return in the house of cheering nudeness
I am a silent bird, strucked by the emptiness of lonely days
I chain my feet with the joy of pain
And i hang in the loop of your light

Smear my eyes with black silver,
You, besotted king of nihility,
I am your preyer, i am your virgin
I dwell benetah your fears
I dwell above your time
These idle locutions on your face
Are scared and dedicates false memory
In the foamy light of vastness
I play with laiden faces of mad moonlight



I see a shadow-covered skyline
- newcomer of ghastly hours -
So I could hang my dreams on wedges
While your silence eates my silence

In loamy slope red-eyed wiches are spinning time in tangles
In their eyes unchaste flames dances in wild cheerfullness


Night of fall
Fall of dellusion
Dellusion of the songs
Strucks my senses
I drink this bevarege of soft allurements
To avoid dead lauhgs of nightmers
I abandone my robe of pleasures
Leave it behind
In the mist and darkness
So the light of time
Dissolves it in the blooming shines

Transperent sea
Merges into the lap of sand
My mouth blooms in odour
Of white gardens of cherries
I praise the lord of nudeness

I kissed the night of love with flaming eyes
It’s wall of illusion deceived
blind hopes of tomorrow
I fell in the roaring dim of sadness
Oh, the silent child
Raise from the crimson feet of welkin
Lift your meek colossus
In my ghastly shrine

I am a vivid torpedo
In a living air of phantasy
I erase my image
From the booklet of life
And with a burning kiss
I petrify those days
Of pallid dreaming
Of sulken loathing
And of dreary faces
My cosmos melts
In inner struggle
I cherish those nights
Where my body was a silver column
And with skin as pale as ivory
When midnight sang me carols
I was destined to reach the light of beautyBut the demaon of love erased me!!!!!

I see a silent night
Waving across the shore
Drifftng in mad chaos of thunder...
I arise my hands towards it
And the waves engulf my body
I torment myself with lucid dreamings
About this night of revival
My limbs trembling in a sweet melodies of this moonlight
I stretch my dreams of love to the far side of the ocean
And await ...while my universs stings it’s wings
With a shriek of ecstasy
I drink stars that bath in the milky fields of cosmos

saķēdēt rokas

Saķēdēt rokas
Notriept ādu ar krēslu
Saplūst ar melniem velniem
Uz asiņaina liktensceļa
Un skriet kā nevaldāmām lauvām
Pa nolijušām lauku pļavām
Spraust tumsu acīs
un degt
Mēness asinīm pieplūdušām sejām
Ar klusuma izkaptīm rokās
Un zviegt
Caur kailo nakts pasauli
Kā aptrakušiem zvēriem
Mesties ārprāta maigajās skavās
Līdz kvēlošiem nāves krastiem
Un kā palsiem skumju putniem
Aizlidot līdz zvaigžņu jūrai
Līdz tur saplūst ar sevi
Kā dzīvi.


Zvaigzne okeānā raud
Pazudis tēls
Tukšuma salā
Mana iekšējā vākuma alā
Pusnakts bērns
Saslimis rožlapu mežā
Manu baiļu kairajā sejā
Es salutējos ar baudām
Kas vienas pie manām kājām ņaud
Un izspļauju no savām krūtīm
Ēnas, kas pārāk ilgi
Manī bļauj















***
Es esmu figūra
Sastingusi zem nāves kupola
Mani ietērpj raibās skrandās
Bet mans tērps ir klusums
Manī iepūš elpu
Bet mans augums deg
Man sārto lūpas
Bet manas asinis bāl
Es stāvu brezenta lietū
Un tas skalo manu sirdi
Ar nokaitētu uguni
Manas rokas nobirst
No laika cirtiena
manas acis raud
No tumsas gailošā skatiena
Un locekļi stingst
No vētras trulā rēciena
Manas kājas saķēdē važās
Bet es tāpat dejoju ar zvaigznēm
Jo mani dzemdēja debesis saules jūrā
Un tāpēc mana akmens seja smejas
Kad es saplūstu ar saviem sapņu tēliem

Savago manus vilkus kā suņus
Man dienas ir robs
Iecirsts laika deglī
Es draudzējos tikai ar ēnām
Kas galvas dobumā mīt
Mans klusums ir dziesma
Kuru zvaigznes mijkrēslī dzied
















Ak, palsā nakts
Saindē manus atomus
Ar savu aromu elpu
Izplet mani kā uguni
Pa pusnakts pļāvām
atliec mani kā bultu
no mērķa uz mērķi
svied kā vilni
no krasta uz krastu
lai es nonāktu jūrā
kur glāsmaini vēji vīd
jo es celšos no krusta kariem
un degošām acīm
metīšos iztēles nāvē.

Apreibinies ar kairo nakti
Lai tā izdzēš tumsas ērmus
Kas dzīvo tavā miesā
Un izplēš sastingušo sirdi
No liesmojošām krūtīm
Apvelc tumsas blāvo tērpu
Un dejo ar klusuma tēliem
Uz mirdzošās skatuves
Kas ir zvaigžņu piebirusī debess


es saduru savas acis ar tumsu
Kas kļaujas pie jūsu kājām
Kā pārmīlīgs zvērēns
Klusuma kliedzieni aizsniedz pat tālo māju
Kurā snauž pārjūtīgs bērns
Nakts izdzēš mani
Vēja ņaudieni sadeg lietū
Skaidrajā svētdienā,
Kur mākoņi izkarina sevi kā līķautus
Mani skūpsti savijas ar taviem skūpstiem

Klusuma balsī
ietinas pusnakts bērni
Palsi mijkrēšļi zogas
no tumsas uz tumsu
Sveiciniet nakti,
kas dzied uz baltā baldahīna virsmas

es sadragāju savus sapņus
ar cirvja aso galvu
un izmetu mēslainē
uz laukiem salasīto krēslu

klusuma bērn,
savāc savas miesas lauskas
no manas klusuma pils
kur es vienatnē ar sveci šķīdināju tumsu
aizvāc savas lūpas no maniem gailošajiem vaigiem
lai asins pēdās nerēgojas maigajā bālumā


uz pusnakšu ezeriem
kur atmiņu zirgi
dzenās kā akli vēji maigā plašumā
un samērcē sevi naksnīgā ezerā
kurā peldas mēness sirpis
es raujos uz pusēm
no blāvajām skaņām
kas ir klusums un snauda
un manā miesā
ar klusiem spārnu vēzieniem
ielido nakts




skaistā nāve dzemdē sevi
vēji sasarkst saulē
ēnas līst no debesīm
es ar tumsas kurpēm
dejoju pār zaļo tuksnesi
un iekožos savās lūpās
it kā iekostos mīlas auglī
klusums ielīst purpura jūrā
manas acis izēd sarkanas liesmas


bērns izgaismo savas rokas
ar nakts kluso gaismu
viņš grib izdegt kā zieds
manas plaukstas svelmē
un es baroju to ar pienu
kas pil no debess miesas

klausies, klusums sašķērē manus pirkstus
es ar tiem kāvos pret nāvi
nu dziesma izdeg lēnās taktīs
nakts izžāvē savas drēbes
un pakar manā istabā
uz sapņu spieķiem


Melodijas izgaro kā dūmi
Kairajā naktī
Es nolaizu tās ķermeni
Un mana āda saplūst
Ar pusnakts ādu
Bet sirds pārtop par mēness sirpi

Salocies kā tūkstošgadīgs zvērs
Zem laika kupola
Kur parādē iziet izsmietas meitenes
Es slauku baltās jaunības slieksni
Uz kura nāve dejo baltā galvassegā
Es palokos no dzidrajām skumjām
Kas man tik mierīgi pieglaužas
Un sastingstu kopā ar nakti
Uz dzīvības tūkstošs gadiem

Gruesome melodies

POETRY OF SULKEN DAYS

To the gardens of Love,
We dwell beside the snow-white shoulders of sylphs
Beside the white wings of fallen fairies
At the midnight dreams we must find –
Ourselves and rejoice with the lightsome feet above the vivid faces of clouds
These are the danses of silence, that has been attained
In the insipidly shivering mornings of dawn...

Conscinoussnes,
Which is the castle of infinite insomnia,
I planted the seedling of silence
Gruesome and eerie as a twilight’s
Jeering smaile,
Unchaste and cryptic
As a persihing hawl of night

Pale shadows of memories dipped in the purple
Seeded castle of silence
Glances like a human at the heavily breathing field of fog
In the advent of the morning
It’s dreams burns in the tranquillity of the grey sky

I sipped the breath with my lips
From the white mouth of silence
I need to clench it’s dump throat
And run from myself
Fearing my own fier
Where shadows dissolve, mind laughs
Of me who wants to constrain the silence

***

In the fields of lust
White sylphs of conscinoussnes
Whiffle and whirl
At the unchaste feast of night
I lift their whirlling figures towards the heaven
And they melt with stars like made of flesh of sky
They shelter in the cells of blooming senses
Where dwell my dreams about the unreal sea of the universs
That smites it’s waves across the ciff of infinity



Oh, my tender syphs are crwaling
- Invisible snakes in the white tunnels of desire –

I am a torpid statue
With the eyes of crystal;
And the heart of marble
Silent death is dancing around me
Like a virgin in a shining dress
And waiting while on my lips
I will receive the kiss of Snake

***

The bird of eternity
Is curling it’s runny wings
Along the fortress of illusion
The empty wreck of the vessel
Arise above this dim sky
Where your face is looming

We journeyed into the sea of life...

With the vessel we conjured
To the sea of death
That would bring us
To the other shore of silence
But we burnt our souls
In the storms of vehemence
They arised over the skyline
Abandoning the unchaste feast of flesh
The ship of the wind drawned
And we immersed in the srtream of passion
On the lap of the dead sea
Hurricane smashed us in the cliffs of pleasure
Dreams evaporated from flesh
Like pale fumes and tooked the forms of silence
Our souls wached how the blooming figures of dreams parted away
And flew into the sky to the home of eternity
We remained stiff in the sleep of millennium
Hewed against the bloody cliff,
Above which the eternal night has spread...





***

Wounded silence meows
To suck into it’s subtle flesh
And flow together with the glaring visions
In the white death of eternity
And to shake hands with my own obssesion
Is the image of foible reality

***

Fluttered stream
Is the white path of the life
That stings the lucid trait of peace
And lulls to sleep shadow-surrounded girls
Into the songs of midnight clawns

***

Life is the first touch of death
Gushing river’s race towards the ocean
Existence’s swing on the feeble thrust of life

Guide me form the shore to shore
Where the souls are full of phantoms
And blood vibrates in the wiry breast
I rave with the evil face of time
And await while the exsistence stabs existence

Your white face merges into the humid cheek of the sun, embraced with the prickly graon you are leaning towards the sun that has not blossomed yet, that has not balled the vivid shores of infitinity yet, but you are leaning already into the white lap of death... Death fascinates those, who are jaded by exixtence.
But it opens the door to the white vastness of light.

I am older then my death
Neither the life has given birth to me yet
Nor the world has experienced me yet
I am the only wave lifted by the kiss of time
To shade in the visions rested in the silence

Dance like a ragged virgin
in the groaning river of silence
Crushed by the billowing waves
I am a groaning lover in the ferocious night,
where damp and and dusk have cut my skin
where night and light are whirlling round me
But you are the sky that has been burnt out
from gazing at the sea far too long
I collapse from the reflection in my face
Because I have seen how the sea kissed the sky
And in the bumping nudness of thy love
My life unites with your death

***

The white prince of dawn rises his torches of silence
And sailes into the shores of my dreams
He captures these shadows that sleeps on the island of love

***
Burning shores of daylight
Shady arms of twilight
Captures the blind childrean of vision
And death lifts them up
In the srong arms of hers
And brings them to the eternity
Which apperas as a sandy shore
In the white dune of your consciousness

***
We dance in the foggy sheet of morning dusk
And your crimson-dipped face
Meets the buzzing shade of spring

***

I infect my soul with this poison,
Which is poetry and confession
To you, my dearest fellows,
Who are damned to be thyself
And not to dally with the moony flowers
Not to sleep in nights coloured by the eyes of light
Not to kiss this mellow fruit of silence
Which only is given to us by these nights
Where our dreams seek explosure into the beastly heaven
And this confession is
that I revenge my obssesion with the visions of white night
And dapple my stature with the phantoms of imagination




***

To the dark night
That I do not own yet
The visons of blind
And songs of deaf
White bells of sleepless
Crumbles like a ripping cliff
From the white water of the sea


***

You chain me in a jangling fetters
Like a foaming dog of devil
So I couldn’t move from anguish-promising dreams
That dwelled in the shade from the first gasp of light
I dance in my inner prairies of silence
And burn myself from the inner pulse of the light
Like a frenzied child without a mother’s tempting kiss
To free me from my oblivion and the
Imposing vastness of my own
And fading rivers of my senses
I am the substance of silence,
The night has stabbed my limbs with it’s sharp weapon
And the day has smeared my cheeks with bloody kisses !

putni

****
Uz manám krútím spélejas satraukti bérni, maigi un vieliski kaa pavasara vizbuliites kususha sniegaaJauns miiljaotais ierodas sovasar uz balti glaasmaina zveera saules straavoshaa ieteerpaaMans augums ir sastindzis, jo es esmu tikai izteesta figura no balta kaljka un mans augums nevirpuljos vairs nekad priekpilnaa jauniibas dejaa.Jauna meitene smejas par iedomu buutneem, kas man apkkart dejo uz juuras briestohaam kruutiim, es sakjeru galvu shausmu izteiksmee, vinja neredz pasaku vilnjus skrienam pa juuras muguru. Mani spaarni nekad neuzdiiigs, ja Cilveeks neatnaaks mani glābt.
Es pacelju sava naida aisbergu visausgaatk trulaas juuras paveedeeree, es kliedzu : es tevi niistu, trulaa juura, sacirtiishu ar dunci tavu aarpraatiigo muguuru, lai tu asinjoto strutainaam teerceem un cilveeki peldeetos tavu asinju straumees, bet juura smejas veederu tureedama, vilnji sadzen bangas, es tieku noskalots, apklusinaats, manas miesas paceljas putu leevenjos, bet dveesele tirpdama auklee skumju akachus. Cilveeki smejas manas iedomas mani saeed, es liigojos nepraatiigaas shuupolees, kur mani iekaaris atriebes dievs. Es nolaizu visu sho samazgu varzu, es nolaizu aklaas pasaules slimos beernus un dievinu atkal atjaunoties ar naidaa trulo dveeseli. Mana luugshana ir uzklausiita, es neesmu vairs ievainotais, kam sapnju kjeeninjs atnjeemis speeju elpot iedomu garainjus. Izsuukt to miesas no gaisa mateerijas un ieteerpties ar tiem kraasainos burvju spaarnos. Manas acis ir izbaleejushas, emu aklais, kuru acis dienas gaisma ir saraavusi driskās. Muuziibas aukla karaajas man pie kakla, es to paraustu, izbirst jaunību dienu vīzijas. Es staavu nosviidis pludmales saulee un gaidu, kad man pietuvusies vismaz kaads, kas buutu manu iedomu plashuma veerts. Nekas nenotiek, domas vilnjojas sakususjaaas smadzenes mierimiilgos metros, es staavu un stindzinu sevi ar apdrupushaam ceriibaam, kas nekad netiks piepildiitas. Mans augums triic, jo es esmu viena, es skatos uz juru, taa mani biedee, pat taa nesaprot svarigos sljakatu daardus, kas blietee manu saules svelosho muguru.Jauniibas dienas leeni aizbrien pa meza taku, es taas censjos nokjert, kaa liiksmus saules zakjiishus, bet dienas sarruk, es atttaalinos, jauniibas pavedina mani un es tai atdodos, tik stipri mani miil cieshanu smalkas gars, kam es uzdaavinaju sevi kopsh pirmo reiz atravu acis un ieskatiijos nolemtiibas treenajaa spulgaa. Es runaajos ar kaadu garaamgaajeeju, jaunu piekuunu, ar degoshaam aciim un sidraba matiem, bet vinjs mani neklaussas, vaardi nesasniedz vinja manjas un jutekljus, tie paliek telpaa starp manu uztveri un vinja uztveri. Es sniedzos pieskarties ar vaardiem vinja vienmuljiibas izvelbtajai aadaai, skumju piegruzotaam aciim, bet vinjs nereagjee uz maniem centieniem pacelt muus abus kaut par mata tiesu tuvasak saules prieciigajai buutnei. Bet vinjs spurojas, vins njerkst, vinsj negrib sildiities knjeenija baltajaa zemee, vinjs paliek te, uz zemes piesites ar siksnu, kas pagatavota no vinja pasha aadas. Mans augums atkal iedrebas, es sakozu luupas, klusi luudzos, lai vins aizvaacas, apzuud nemiera pilnajos puuljos pludmales smaciigajaa laukaa, bet vinjs veel stav un skatas uz mani kaa uz izbedeetu puuci , kas sastingusi dienas burzmaa, kas tikkko izliidusi no nakts varenaa klejojuma. Vinjs atvemj savas dziiviibas paliekas manaa prieksjaa un klusi aizraapop kaa sanjurvis kuceens. Es uzspridzinaashu sho nakti, es klieduz pret debesisim, kad vinjs ir prom, lai tu mani nekad neatrod, jo es negribu tavus mirklju glaastus skatiit,piedzerties ar miilas skurbo dziru un tikt izmestai atkal svelohaa truluma dzegaa nakamaa riitaa. Nee, viss, es esmu tik ievainots zvirgzdinjs, ka mana balss, mana aada, mana mugurua, kaajas un rokas veelreiz nepaardziivos lajuno nodoshanu. Es saceertu gabalos juuras pulseejoso muguru, man peitiek blaavaa maita, asinjo dzirketleem, lai no tavaam veenaam lien aaraa tie ellliskjie ragainji, kas tevi piedzmedinaajushi tik burviigi svaigu un maigu kaada tu esi lai muus atkal iegruustu kaucosshaas auku gaiddas. Es aizgriezos no tavas muguras, peediigaa viltniece, slaikaa lapsinja, tu dunoshaa burvjregje, palso mijkreeslju un miglas neseeja, es tevi sadedzinu ar savu skatienu bargumu, manas rokas puuzsnjo no naida, bet es netverhos pie tavas riikles, jo tas noziimetu man iaziet tavas dzlemes dziljaakajaa atvaraa, to tik tu gribeetu, lai es nosliicinaatu savu pedeejo dziivi shajaa miermiiliigajaa visumaa, bet nee, es sevi veel aukleeju kadu laicinju, kammeer baltais zobenu tureetaajs atpestiis mani no manis pashas. Tu neapppedisi manus princus, kaa tu to dariiji liidz shim, tu pasteigsies ierakties savu uudenju akachos un aizmirst ka tev jaaapeed cilvekeu liktenji.